This time last year I told myself I wanted to play live at least once every week, I wanted to record my first solo album and I wanted to go on an acoustic tour.
It's the last day in 2011 and almost 90 gigs later, I am reflecting and thankful for doing all of the above and many more.
here are some of the highlights
In February, I was asked to be the resident host of Portobello Acoustic Sessions
On the 30th of March, I was made redundant
In May, I started recording my album
In July, I released the radio edit of one of my songs Inspiration
In August, I started my Pen Voyage Acoustic tour that included playing at the Edinburgh Fringe, Greenbelt Festival and a week in Toronto.
I spent the last three months of the year, promoting the album, playing at the most amazing venues and meeting the most amazing & inspiring people.
Toby Mulligan
7 year old Iliana I met the lovely Céline from Rome
Thanks for all the love and support throughout the year and I hope you have had an amazing year. I look forward to 2012 expecting the best and best only.
This is the last installment of the Pen Voyage Liner Notes series and the song "Goodnight"
This song was the most difficult for me to write just because I initially couldn't find the right words to express what I was feeling about my father's passing.
It was the poem that eventually helped me to pen this song. I truly believe that death is a not the end but a journey into another life beyond this life and that's why the I called the song "Goodnight"
When we sleep we do wake up although some will wake up not on this side of time.
For a very long time, I did not realize how rare it was to have a father like mine. When I started to hear other people's stories and I began to appreciate the gift that my dad even more. Every child wishes to make his or her father proud and my dad always made sure to let my siblings and I know that he's proud of us. In writing and recording this record I knew I did just that; made him proud.
I hope that this song helps those who have lost family or friends to come to terms with their loss and hopefully in time, start to heal and celebrate their lives rather than rehearsing the pain that comes with losing a loved one.
I heard Oprah say this and I think it sums it all up for me.
"Every death, is a wake up call to live more fully, more completely, more presently right now"
Track 9 on the album Pen Voyage Chapter 1; Singing for Change is "SOPHIA"
I love to read a well written story and getting lost in all the characters and their stories is one of the things I really love.
I was at a very low place in my life; as I had just lost my dad. I was looking for answers beyond the usual sayings of 'God has a purpose' and 'everything happens for a reason.'
I heard about the novel by Canadian author William P Young The Shack this is one of those books that grip you from the first page. It helped me come to terms with life, death and everything in between and after I finished reading the book one the characters in the novel; Sophia kept coming up and I wrote a song about her.
Sophia is a song about choices, decisions and wisdom.
Everyday we are faced with decision making some of them not so major and some can mean the difference between life and death; literally. The thread that runs through the verses in the song is mainly issues that relate to women mainly (and of course men)
Who do I marry? When will I marry? When will he ask me to marry him?
For most women when it comes to the issue of marriage we have been raised in a culture where we wait to be asked and for some that waiting takes longer than most.
For some, the waiting takes 'so long' that pressure to settle for anything and anyone starts to come from all directions. While I am not a marriage counselor and the issue of women, marriage and choice can hardly be dealt with in a couple of verses, choruses and a bridge, I tried to center all my thoughts on this character called Sophia
She is the wisdom that helps you make those decisions when the voices around you are trying to drown out your God given intuition.
The bridge goes...
"When I open my eyes at the break of dawn, will you still be here or will you be gone?"
This is what I know for sure; the still small voice never leaves you.
My Album Pen Voyage Chapter 1; Singing for Change was officially released on the 30th September 2011. There has been a few features, interviews and reviews and would like to thanks all those who have supported this record THANK YOU....
Below is a link to some them - (Most are in French but a good browser will have an 'interpret' option)
I'm so happy that people are connecting with the album and grateful that features and interviews are being done to help me connect with more people. THANK YOU THANK YOU and THANK YOU
This is the only song on the album that the music came to me first before the words. Once I had the initial guitar progression down, the words just wrote themselves I believe.
I wrote a blog about LOVE WAY a few months back but then I wasn't sure if i was going to call it Love Way or Love Lane. I decided to call it Love Way in the end because the subject matter I believe is about Faith being a way of Life not Religion.
There are various elements that constitutes a great song sarcasm is one of them and I think there was a bit of that in this song. It is my tongue in the cheek song. The first time I played the rough sketch for FEMI TEMOWO he said it felt like a lullaby that dealt with a serious issue. I think he is right.
I think one of the things I have learnt in the last few years is to differentiate between religion and faith... I am still learning. This song is also a question that I believe I haven't got the answer for. I know in part but I wish I knew more, I wish I had all the answers. One thing I do know is God is much more than the box any human being can create. When you think you have Him figured out then he shows up in a whole new way and form. I have seen God in the most unusual places.... up in the club, out in the streets.
He must be more than Praying before every meal He must be more than Meetings everyday of the week He must be more than Praying out loud with fancy words God must be more than Living by faith without works
I will like to write songs that deals with the questions in people's heart. Singing what we're all thinking.
I remember the first time I had to sing this song in a church, I did feel quite uncomfortable at first but I went for it knowing that a lot of people feel the same way I do.
One of the the quotes I really love is this...
"music is your own experience, your thoughts, your wisdom. If you don't live it, it won't come out of your horn..." Charlie Parker
Imagine a race with no clear direction and no end in sight...I Can't!
Those were exactly my thoughts when I went to see Rankin's photography exhibition "FROM CONGO WITH LOVE" at the National Theater at London's Southbank.
My natural reaction to any thing that resonates with me is to write... either a song or a poem. I however felt like I couldn't write about this because my current life or past experiences is so far removed from the stories of the people I was reading about.
I have seen human resilience in the face of adversity but the people i was looking at in the pictures take this statement to a whole new level. It is great to tell someone else's story but even greater when you provide an avenue for people to tell their own stories.
This was what Rankin did when he visited The Democratic Republic of Congo. He gave disposable cameras to the people to present their lives and tell their own stories in pictures.
More than anyone else, the Children's pictures struck me. With this song "Running" I tried to tell what a child's experience of war might be like. I also wanted another person's take on this story and so asked KARL NOVA to write on the song and he graciously agreed.
The crisis in the Democratic Republic of Congo is often known as the ‘forgotten conflict,’ yet it is a war that has killed over 5 million people. I find that it is so easy to live in a bubble and when we are trying to make a living thinking about other people's struggle can be a challenge in itself. This song reminds me to look outside myself and in anyway I can help make someone else's life just a little bit better.
War makes absolutely no sense to me and if I had the power to make a change it would be to end all forms of war! My current power an influence is in song writing and that's what I tried to do with the song "RUNNING"
The best definition of forgiveness I heard last week is "to give up the hope that the past will be different.
I wrote "wishful thinking" as a poem a couple of years ago and put it up for friends to read. I was quite surprised by the response. Speaker and Youth advocate David McQueen, suggested that I write some music for it so I did, I also included it on my album Pen Voyage Chapter 1; Singing for Change
Everyone can answer yes to the question "any regrets?" at one point or the other in their lives. I think it is one of the things that highlights our humanity.
We make stupid decisions, we sometimes don't take advantage of opportunities presented to us when we should have, we have people in our lives we wish we had treated better and the list of regrets can go on and on. my question to you and myself would be....
what purpose is replaying the tape of "what could have been" serving in your life? if the purpose is not enhancing your life then you have to let it go and perhaps replace "I WISH" with "I WILL"
I used the song "wishful thinking" to try and deal with two issues decision making and relationships. I wrote the chorus in Yoruba (one of the 250 languages spoken in Nigeria, West Africa)
Mo wa n ke Abamo o means "Now, I'm crying regret" in Yoruba, ABAMO translates directly as "I should have known" or "If I had known"
Read the lyrics below;
You were gone most of the time No one ever told me why Moved from one home to the next Always wishing for a stable nest You did say you were sorry It did little to change the story I thought it was my fault Now, I realise you were fighting your fears I wish I gave us a chance But, it’s too late for that ‘Cause now you’re really gone To the land of no return
Mo wa n ke e abamo o
I was young and carefree Enjoying all that life brought me Caution went to the wind As I, tasted the fruit forbidden Faced with the reality of, Another life’s responsibility I chose the easy way Burying my guilt away Till I saw the love between A mother and her child I am left missing The one I never had
Mo wa n ke e abamo o
Now I am sitting here Wishing that you were here I shed a tear For what was never there
American author and poet Maya Angelou has a popular saying that I think is very freeing. "When you know better, you do better"
Monday is for MUSIC.. I hope you've been enjoying my Pen Voyage Liner Notes?
Track 5 on the record is the song I wrote and named "Taste of Freedom"
What does it really mean to be free?
I think FREEDOM is an important element when it comes to song writing, performance or any creative endeavor for that matter.
The first few lines of track 5 on the record, Pen Voyage Chapter 1; Singing for Change goes...
"Walking down the road less traveled, asking myself 'why am I here?' In this place I don't feel entitled, but somehow I love it here. I don't want to be lost in a crowd, it's a path that is well worn..."
I once heard someone say that the bravest thing anyone can ever do is be bold to live their purpose. It takes courage to go against the grain and follow your heart to live what you believe is your purpose.
I wrote "Taste of Freedom" to express my journey into starting to understand one of the gifts I believe I have been blessed with my VOICE
I remember the first time I went out as a solo artist; my guitar on my back to play at "Spice of Life" a little live music bar in Soho, London. I was honestly taken back by people's response to my performance. I still get those moments where I ask myself, REALLY?
From singing in different choirs over the years, I find that there is an unwritten rule about how singers are meant to sound and for most choirs, unless a singer leads a certain way it really isn't deemed the best. I remember being in a choir and words like "Sing the song the way X sings it" being constantly thrown around.
I find that coming out from a collective or group of singers to going out as a solo artist can be a challenge but finding your voice and staying in your path is the best thing that can ever happen to you as a creative person. Everyone has a story to tell, everyone has a voice and I believe the journey to finding it is a lifetime.
Not only is a Voice "the sound produced by the vocal organs of a vertebrate, especially a human and the ability to produce such sounds." the American Heritage Dictionary also defines VOICE as The right or opportunity to express a choice or opinion
"...we've been placed here for a reason, finding out why, is our live's mission.." From the song TASTE OF FREEDOM
Good Monday to you and thanks for those who are still reading my blogs week in week out. THANK YOU.
The fourth song on my record Pen Voyage Chapter 1; Singing for Change is "INSPIRATION" this is one of my favourite song to sing and one of the ones I am proud I wrote. I know it's also a favourite for those who hear it.
I looked up the definition of Inspiration in the American Heritage Dictionary of English Language;
- Divine guidance or influence exerted directly on the mind and soul of humankind. - An agency, such as a person or work of art, that moves the intellect or emotions or prompts action or invention. - Stimulation of the mind or emotions to a high level of feeling or activity.
I wrote this song about our relationship with that thing called "CREATIVITY" and "INSPIRATION" some times elusive and other times you can't seem to get enough of it. I wonder why that is. I wonder what is responsible for those times when it decides to pay you a visit and why it stays away sometimes. Does it really stay away at those times or is it just hiding from us?
I am not sure I found the answer after writing this song.
Maybe it's one of those things we will never know why.
Jill Dawson in her article in the Guardian "How to write fiction" she urges new writers to dive in as there is never a perfect time to write a novel.
I see myself first as a story teller whether I am trying to write a song or a prose I just want to tell a good and engaging story. I however tend to write only when I am inspired. ie. feel that throb or pull it's the only way I can describe the feeling of being inspired.
In the month of November however I have decided to challenge myself and take part in this year's NaNoWriMo. For those who don't know, November is the National Novel Writing Month.
Thousands of people all around the world will attempt to write a novel of 50,000 words from the 1st of November to the 30th of November. As expected some will be successful and some won't. I plan to succeed
I am so nervous as already dreading what I'll do if the words and ideas aren't forth coming. I am however excited to see what I would have come up with by the end of November (wish me luck)
I think one line from Jill Dawson's article made me decide to challenge myself to write.
Talking about excuses by new writers..
"Not beginning protects you from disappointment; no shame of reading what you have written and finding it rubbish. It also prevents you from an equally disturbing possibility; discovering that you can write.... success and failure can both be avoided."
SO I WILL WRITE.. whether inspiration decides to knock on my front door to pay me a visit or hides in my back garden. hehe
As always it's Monday and it's all about music from Pen Voyage Chapter 1; Singing for Change. The third track on this record is Má Gbàgbé. I wrote the song in English and Yoruba; one of the (250) two hundred and fifty languages spoken in Nigeria, West Africa.
This song is what I call the traveler's song. I remember growing up hearing my grandfather always had this saying to everyone that's out going on a journey.
"Alo a da abo a sunwon, ma gbagbe omo eni ti on se o"
Loosely translated, it means "have a safe trip, but don't forget who you are"
Staying connected and true to who you are is huge when it comes to MOST African parents a large part of our upbringing is very community oriented and I still think that it's a great thing to have.
The picture I had in mind as I wrote this song was that of a young person leaving home for the first time. Memories of me leaving home (Nigeria) to return to England (my country of birth) came flooding back. I remember everyone prayed for me and of course my granddad ended his goodbyes with his usual advice "DON'T FORGET WHO YOU ARE"
I have been going out as a Solo artist for almost eighteen months and I think the challenge most people face is the pressure to ALWAYS have your music or art accepted. Sometimes we think we need to change to accommodate everyone else's expectation of us. I think that is the problem I have with music competitions like X Factor etc especially when the judges come back with comments like "You are a good singer BUT you are not what we are looking for in this competition"
That just sounds wrong to me because I think getting artists to meet your pre-conceived idea of what you deem acceptable is dangerous. While some may argue it shows the artists' versatility, I think most know that it's also because artists are marketed to fit a tried and tested formula and mold.... very little to do with creativity.
Staying authentic and true is a sell-able brand in my opinion. It may take longer than most but it endures.
I leave you with the Bridge of the song. "Ajo ko le dun ko nile ma re le" No matter how "Sweet" the journey (or the experience of the travel) is. You will one day head back "home" in other words...
While I was thinking what more could I possibly add to what I had already written, a last minute opportunity came up for me to sing the song at Naturally Fabulous an event held organised by Natural Lounge at the Cape Bar in Central London.
I have to say it's the first time I've been in the same space with a lot of ladies rocking their natural hair. Three hundred gorgeous ladies rocking their God given hair in different styles and lengths it was amazing to see.
While my Song is not just about hair, the first verse touched on it.
"Once upon a time there was a little girl, she always wanted to be like everyone else. She had the brownest eyes hair so soft as wool, no one ever told her she was beautiful...."
I know for a fact that it's the story of a lot of young girls. Someone else's hair looks better and someone else's nose looks better and the list goes on. I wrote this song because that is my story, I have never felt like the most beautiful girl. A few years ago while I was having one of those moments of stressing over how to wear my hair for the new week I thought to myself.
"I don't even know what my natural hair looks like"
For those who are a bit confused as to what 'natural hair' means it simply means hair that has not been chemically altered. Like many girls growing up in Nigeria, I could not wait to finish secondary school just because my mum insisted that it was only then that she would allow me to have my hair relaxed.
I grew up hearing things like....
"Your hair is too tough to comb through" or "What will I do with this child's hair?"
One day I had enough and I cut off my hair and decided to stop the relaxer for a while and to learn to take care of my hair and learn to love it.
I am not a Natural hair advocate or spokesperson but I realise that even though some may argue that hair, like our nails and is just dead cells and should be less bothered about it, our relationship with it is a pointer to how we feel about ourselves and self worth.
I remember the first few weeks after I started to grow out my natural hair, a lady said to me.
"I don't think I can wear my hair LIKE THAT... it's bush hair"
My response... "No, it's not bush hair, it's MY hair!"
I have had so many responses about this song "BEAUTIFUL" and I am happy I wrote it. Like I say all the time, when I perform this song, it's a story I will tell my younger self if I could go back in time.
"You're not like every other girl in the videos.... YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL"
It's been a couple of days since the official release of my latest solo record, Pen Voyage Chapter 1; Singing for Change. On the night of the album release, I performed for the very first time with a live band and I have to say I won't be forgetting the experience for a while.
Yesterday I spoke to a lovely lady who came to the show and also bought my CD, It was interesting to hear how the songs and stories have touched her. What stood out for me from all that she said though was the fact that listening to the CD brought back memories of the back stories I shared at the show.
I see myself as a storyteller and music has become one of the mediums of storytelling for me. With that in mind, I try to tell a back story before I start to perform any song. Everyone has a story to tell.
I heard a musician explain the roles of artists this way....
If you imagine that we are all members of the same village and in that village there are healers, entertainers, teachers, storytellers.... everyone contributing his or her part to help build and develop that village.
I think I see my place in the "village" as a storyteller and I seek to inspire.
So for the next ten Mondays, I will be writing what I call Pen Voyage Liner Notes explaining the reason behind all the ten songs on the album - Pen Voyage Chapter 1; Singing for Change.
I hope these stories connect with people and that the songs come alive for that reason.
The first song on the record is Prayer (Oun gbogbo)
Prayer is huge part of my life and upbringing. I know there are different types and ways to pray. I however see prayer as an intimate conversation between me and God. I absolutely believe that praying requires us to be sincere and vulnerable and what I did was take a very popular song I heard my grandfather sing several times and make it mine
"Oun Gbogbo ti mo ni Tire ni n se baba..."
"All i have (I am) is yours father"
I think it's a song that explains where my heart is. I wake up thinking how blessed I am to be able to do what I love. I decided to sing it in Yoruba (one of the 250 languages spoken in Nigeria, West Africa) in recognition of my grandfathers and my father. Three very strong men that I've been blessed to meet and proud to be a part of. I also think singing it in Yoruba helped to re-iterate the intimacy I think is a huge part of prayer.....
I imagine it's just myself and God at that moment in time and I have his audience and He has mine.... I think that's special!
Once upon a time there was a little girl, she always wanted to be like everyone else, she had the brownest eyes hair so soft as wool, no one ever told her she was beautiful..
Those are the first few lines of my song BEAUTIFUL and those where the first words that came to me before the song eventually developed into two verses chorus and a bridge.
People have told me that my songs come across like lullabies.
I tend to deal with serious issues using the simplest words possible and I think when people listen to my new project, they will get that sense in most of the songs.
With BEAUTIFUL, I now see it as a lullaby I would sing to my younger self.
We live in a world and a society where beauty or what is seen as beautiful fits into certain molds and anything outside that is considered NOT BEAUTIFUL.
So this is a story of a girl who grew up wanting to be like everyone else. Wanting someone else's hair, eyes, skin.... simply because though she was never called ugly she was never called BEAUTIFUL.
So she goes on living life looking for love in all the wrong places, looking for affirmation with other people... silently SCREAMING LOOK AT ME!! ME!!
Then one day she looks in the mirror...
Isn't it amazing how you hear or see something you've always read or looked at and something jumps out at you it all becomes crystal clear, it's like you are seeing it for the very first time.
yeah! she looked in the mirror and she said "hold on a minute, I AM BEAUTIFUL I Love my hair, I love my nose, I LOVE MY SKIN"
I have tried to put the idea of being comfortable in my skin in this one song "BEAUTIFUL" and when I feel down and feel less than beautiful, I will go back and listen to remind myself that I AM BEAUTIFUL and SO ARE YOU
A few months ago before I even started recording the vocals for my project 'Pen Voyage Chapter 1; Singing for Change, I knew I wanted to plan a mini tour and I also knew I wanted to take the tour to Toronto. Not sure why but I just liked the idea of carrying my guitar on back and going to a different country and sharing my songs.
As soon as the idea started to take shape in my mind, I got on the internet (thank God for Google right?) and began searching for live music venues and got down to the business of introducing myself.
"... I am a British singer songwriter and would like to play at your AMAZING venue, please check out my music here...."
The emails and responses came rushing in, I couldn't keep up with the calls and emails asking me to come play....right? HELL to the NO!!
But, not one to give up, I started looking for Canadian Singers & Songwriters on twitter (twitter has been amazing to me, I tell ya) it was on twitter that I met Kim Jarrett and Brent Smith (see my last blog 'HELP comes')
Taking one step of faith after another isn't the easiest thing but my thoughts were... if I don't do it now, when?
I booked my ticket and with one confirmed 30 minute slot on Kim's Sunday evening show at Spirits Bar and Grill in downtown Toronto, I got on the 8 hour flight and made up my mind to have a blast no matter what.
One gig became two and then five! yep FIVE! As I played from one venue to the next I did just that... had a blast. It's amazing how music unites people. People who I would have otherwise never met or spoken to, I got to meet and share stages and spaces with.
To say it was all filled with exciting emotions would be a lie. Some nights I questioned my reasons for coming out to a place and scene where no one knew me or my music. I doubted and second guessed myself on some nights BUT in all, I learnt a bit more about myself and others. More importantly, I got to appreciate my growth as an artist.
After ten days and nights and it was time to head back home, I was so proud of myself and I should be!
PEN VOYAGE CHAPTER 1; SINGING FOR CHANGE is out on Friday the 30th of September
Yesterday I was privileged to support a friend on his journey.
Breis is a Nigerian Hip Hop Rap artist, writer, education creative consultant and entrepreneur based in the UK and yesterday was the official launch of his first book, Brilliant Rappers Educate Intelligent Students.
Apart from the great vibe of the whole night, what stood out was that everyone present were not only there to witness and share the moment with Breis but were or have been in one way or another an inspiration, help, encouragement along his journey. Breis also made a note of how he's been blessed with people to help him along the way.
No man is an island.
I got back from my tour in Toronto yesterday morning and I can't but be grateful to the guys that helped me make the trip possible. It's amazing how God connects you with people and the help you need at the appropriate time.
Canadian Singer Songwriter Kim Jarrett
Brent from STAGETRAILERS
I had one gig confirmed before I got on the plane I ended up playing five!! I COULD NOT have done that without help.
Help showing up in unexpected places is one of the things I'm learning on this journey...
So... as you go about your day(s) I pray all the help you need comes your way. All of the universe is working together to help you as you go about inspiring and helping others. SOMEONE is always rooting for ya! :)
You can buy Breis' new book here http://www.studentoflife.co.uk/?product=brilliant-rappers-educate-intelligent-students
